Fantasy based relationships are very common. They start off with the magical feeling that this person is the one. “Never have we been able to talk like this.” “I can’t get him/her out of my mind.” “I can imagine spending the rest of my life with this one.” “I think I’m in love.” “They accept me for who I am.”
I can imagine many people saying there is nothing wrong with these thoughts or feelings. However, it is because of these thoughts and feelings that many people fail to discuss important parts of a relationship. They feel that since the chemistry is right that everything will work out for the best. The man is a hero and the women a heroin. They want to believe they will love and protect each other, and live happily ever after.
This kind of relationship can actually work and be magical. The magic comes from true openness and good communication. The couple takes on problems together. They think about the other, and for the most part, enjoy it. Their relationship is greater than any problem. They not only love each other they respect each other. All of life is the reality, not just the good.
The difficulties come for the fantasy based relationship when the problems of everyday life begin. Once there is a change in the expected response there is a sense of betrayal. Disappointment turns to pain and the communication goes in the direction of anger, accusations, lies, bringing up the past, and complaints. Avoidance, secrets, distrust, disrespect and more become common place. Fear becomes a dominant influence in the communication, which is now often avoided or toned with resentment.