I am going to give some basic suggestions on how to discuss difficult issues. Topics such as jealousy, cheating, drug/alcohol abuse, how to raise the children, money issues, the status of the relationship, etc. are usually emotion filled. These discussions often lead to fights and sometimes violence. The chance that someone will become reactive during one of these talks is high.
When I give the following suggestions think of what might happen if the opposite of the suggestion is done:

• No drugs or alcohol…………….be intoxicated
• Hazard control …………………be reactive
• Pick a good time……….……..…pick a bad time
• Pick a good place….…….………pick a bad place
• Identify the issue….……..………be vague about what to discuss
• Stay calm…………………..…….get aggressive
• Stay on the subject…………..…..change the subjects
• Explore options……………….…just complain
• Come to an agreement……….….have no solution
• Follow through……………….….don’t follow through on an agreement

More Suggestions That Help (remember – also consider the opposite)

• Agree to come back later and assess progress
• Modify if necessary
• Let them know you care
• Be willing to compromise
• Listen
• Be respectful
• Be honest
• Be patient
• Ask for their opinion
• Identify good points
• Identify progress
• Know when to stop